Check your emotional ‘baggage’!!

Here’s A blog post that is a little more personal.  I eventually want you, my readers, to get to know me in the realest, rawest way.  I want you to feel good about the information that you read here in my words and know that they are coming from a real, honest, and experienced perspective.

I talk a lot about health and what good health can do for a person from the inside out.  There is a system within all of us that depends on its counterparts and processes.  Our job is to give it what it needs and remove what it doesn’t, for it to function at optimal level.

Detoxing is a very important process in the body but also, in the mind as well.  It is so necessary to assist our compromised bodies in the systems to revitalize, build, shed, etc.  We speak and study a lot about how to physically detox our bodies, and even many ways to detoxify the mind.

So, what about emotional detoxification?  I don’t mean ugly crying out loud alone by yourself to rid of built up aggression, but changing behavioral patterns that cause yourself to feel bad emotionally.  It’s the outlook you have on yourself that you get down on day to day, or the fear of being alone that keeps you in friendships or relationships that you do not want to be in,and cause your soul to be unhappy, and maybe even the shame for mistakes you have made in the past that prevent you from holding a higher standard of yourself.  These thoughts, feelings and emotions can be exhausting.  They skew our perspective on ourselves and that keeps us from having the confidence we should have!

When I hit 28 years old, I decided that I was going to change myself into the person that I desired in my mind but didn’t feel in my heart that I was good enough to be.  I decided that I wasn’t going to keep friends that weren’t good for my soul and for my mind.  I chose to avoid activities that were keeping me around the wrong people and kept me vulnerable to making bad decisions.  It had taken me no time to see the correlation between how I felt and what I was doing and who with.  Giving every piece of myself to things and people that would not have any impact on my life in a positive way.

I used to party a lot, I used to drink and eat in excess, and I had hundreds of ‘friends’ that I consumed my time with.  I feel like I was so influenced by my surroundings and I didn’t even see it.  I didn’t even really have an identity, I was just that girl who was at that club or spending all my time sitting around watching television and hitting up retail for therapy.

When I became chronically ill in my 20’s, I had to battle this newly developed requirement for my body to quit my lifestyle, and my desire to feel needed, or popular, maybe even just relevant.  The illness took over and I was forced to become that sick person, in bed, always sleeping and whining.  There is something inside all of us that wants to fight, if we become obedient to it, we can learn self-discipline to win.

Once I lost all the “friends” I had because I couldn’t go out to the bars and clubs, or I couldn’t get out of my bed and I didn’t see anyone coming to visit;  it just left me there with myself in my own misery that I had been pushing down further and further with substances and unhealthy relationships.  I was not a happy person and quite frankly, I didn’t really like myself.  I spent nearly a year trying to live with myself and figure out when and how I got this way.

The great thing about realization is it allows us the mental capacity to change.  It was all up from there.  My 30’s have been the most healing thing that ever happened.  When I freed my time of the bad association and activities, I had time to read a book, do some research, try an activity that I never had before without needing someone to do it with me.  I realized how much I needed to grow and how thirsty my body was for positive reinforcement and strength.  I began to treat my body the way I wanted it to treat me.

Diet, exercise, a few good friends, some family, and good spiritual healing have helped me to get where I am today; happier, healthier despite my conditions, strong, willing and hopeful.  Two years ago, I also decided to take a vow of celibacy for religious/spiritual reasons.  It is amazing how it has helped me learn myself so much more deeply.  I met a lot of women who were doing the same thing and I had always felt ashamed to admit it until now.  It was sad to me that a woman should feel vulnerable because she does not want to have sex.  I found that this saved me a lot of time from dating because not many people want to date the woman who is not having sex until she is married.  By abstaining from sex and dating, I was able to focus so much more on myself, and what I really thought I had to offer.  I wanted to make sure that it wasn’t just sex, as that had been the reason I couldn’t leave bad relationships, or had ‘situationships’ as they call it, and I wasn’t interested in wasting anymore of my time or myself.

I found a value in myself that I don’t think I knew was there before.  Not everyone is going to choose to abstain till marriage, but what I do recommend if you are single, is taking a good amount of time out and invest it in yourself.  You start to see people a little more clearly, their intentions, and your own weaknesses.  It built me up emotionally to where I feel like I can focus on the parts of me that need to be improved, so that I can approach dating in a new perspective with a higher standard on to how and to who I am giving myself, and why.

Shedding relations that didn’t add value to me, helped to also consequently rid of those emotions that were also involved.  I had room for different emotions, ones that would encourage and enlighten me, and I was able to focus on my weaknesses that were controlling my life.  It’s funny, it is kind of like a closet.  We clean out our old stuff that doesn’t fit, or is outdated and not who we are anymore, to make room for the new and better-fitting clothes and shoes that represent who we are.  We should be making room that same way in our lives for the things and people that are going to match the standard we are trying to reach.  Search yourself for ways to make you happy.  Be honest with yourself as to what you want out of your relationships with others and with yourself.  Be opened to change and set goals, don’t give up.  Don’t waste time feeling bad about changing if other people try to make you feel that way.  Not everyone in your life will fit into your change in lifestyle and that is okay.  It is your journey and you want to be worried about who is going to be there when you arrive to your destination.  Let it all go.  Once we gain a new perspective, we can make better decisions in where we spend our time and who we share ourselves with.